own the looks This is a topic that many people are looking for. savegooglewave.com is a channel providing useful information about learning, life, digital marketing and online courses …. it will help you have an overview and solid multi-faceted knowledge . Today, savegooglewave.com would like to introduce to you Own your face Robert Hoge TEDxSouthBank. Following along are instructions in the video below:
“Ella mcintosh. Nreviewer denise rq. You re all ever so pretty most of us do don t own our faces. They might sit at the front of our heads nand everywhere.
We travel. But we don t actually really own them. And sure the usual suspects are to blame hollywood advertisers nour peers our lovers. But do you know who s most to blame me you us the biggest obstacle to us nowning our faces is us disowning them.
When we ogle a photoshopped nmagazine cover when we click on the link npromising celebrity photos. Without makeup. When we look away from the mirror. Nthat little bit too quickly.
We are the red queen running nracing and faster and faster just to stand still take my story for example you might see that i ve got nsome facial deformities and they ve been around quite a while when i was developing nin. My mother s womb. I had a massive tumor nform at the front of my face. It was at the top of my forehead nand went all the way down to where the tip of my nose nshould have been it was about the size nof.
My newborn baby s fist. And it formed early in my development and pushed my eyes to the side nof. My head like a fish now back in the dark ages of the 1970s nthere was no prenatal scans. So my parents didn t know this was coming.
So. My mother when i was born realized something was wrong so her first question nto. The doctors and nurses wasn t her first question was now my mother didn t see me nbefore. I was born and when i was born ni was taken away to the nursery and she went back to the mothers ward and she stayed there about a week nrefusing to see me she had visitors nother than my father i had none she had people coming and asking her nif she d go and see her newborn baby and she refused.
But eventually she changed her mind. And she found herself nstanding at the side of my cot looking down at this and she rejected me she decided then and there nthat she couldn t connect with this face. She didn t want to own it nshe didn t want to own me so she went back to the mothers ward nand a week later she went home and i stayed in hospital so she was home and she was home nfor about another month. And she started talking to my father and her friends and her family nand her doctors and her priests and having a discussion about me and she was worried about the impact bringing me home nwould have on my brothers and sisters and over a month.
Or so nher view started to soften a bit and so she thought nif. She s so worried about the impact bringing me home nwill have on my brothers and sisters. She better actually ngive them a bit of a say so one saturday morning. They sat down at our kitchen table.
Nand had a family discussion. And they talked about my face. Nand about my legs and talked about nwhether. They should bring me home and my parents gave nmy brothers and sisters a vote and they asked n and one by one.
My brothers nand sisters. Said. Yes my younger sister. Katherine nwho was only four at the time reckoned.
She only said yes nbecause. Everyone else said yes before her laughter. So maybe peer pressure is ok sometimes and home. I came and after i came home.
My parents had to actually then ntake me out into the big wide world and when they did nthey started to notice people s reactions. And it s quite funny in terms of participation in society. It s probably. The fact that i have no legs nthat has more of an impact than my face.
But people who meet me for the first time often don t even realize ni have prosthetics. We are judged on our faces. So my mother would take me shopping nand. She d see people staring my dad would take me swimming.
And he d listen to other kids ask about nmy squished nose and my funny face so by the time. I got to about four ndoctors had spoken to my parents. And they said we want to do some pretty major surgery. Non robert s face to make it look a little bit more normal.
So he can socialize nwhen. He gets to school. Now. I d had a couple nof operations before then one to remove the tumor non.
The front of my face. I was left with a flat face and a few other minor things. But this was going to be na pretty major operation and the doctors told. My parents they are going to do nabout.
40. Different surgical procedures first of all they re going nto slice open my face cut a v shaped chunk out of my skull push. My eyes back to the front of my face. And then because i had no nose nthey were going to use one of the deformed toes nthey were amputating to build me a new one simple right.
We ll give it a go outside nat. Afternoon. Tea laughter. So that all sounded npretty.
Interesting to my parents and then the doctors nstarted talking about the risks. We might stuff it up nthe operation might not work and by the way. They said one in four. Now.
My dad was a gambling man nand he did not like those odds. He started arguing nwith my mum and my doctors and said why would we risk him dying. Nat. That high a chance just for pride of appearance.
Now my mum. I think understood better nthe importance of appearance and at least having something na bit more normal of an appearance. When you re growing up and so they argued back and forth nback and forth for months. They went back and forth to the doctors nwith questions about the risks and could it be mitigated nand.
Getting a sense of what it would mean and it got to the point. Where my mother nthreatened to leave my father and go away and sign off permission nfor the operation to go ahead on her own. Luckily it didn t come to that my father eventually agreed nand. I survived after that i looked na little bit more human.
I had a less than perfect nose nbut. I had eyes at the front of my head. And i got on with life skip ahead ten years. I am.
14 kids are pretty much guided missiles. When it comes to finding nevery bump every scar every nose made out of nan old toe that they can find laughter and they did so by the time. I was 14. I d accumulated a pretty strong nplaying roster of nicknames jake the peg pinocchio.
Which didn t make any sense nbecause his nose grew laughter. Stumpy retard and a quite specific nand actually pretty awful toe nose. And those were the sort of things that stopped me nbeing. Comfortable with my own face those were the sort of things nthat stopped me owning my face.
It s hard to deal with npimples and bad haircuts. When you don t look like everyone else. And you look so different nfrom. Everyone else so doctors then started talking nto.
My parents about another operation because at that stage ni had started to notice girls. And i d started to notice girls nnoticing my face and doctors had started to notice nme noticing girls noticing my face laughter so they said so what they said was ok nwe re going to do another big operation and by then i d had nabout two dozen operations some minor some like the remaking nof robert hoge when i was 4 quite substantial and they said so what they told my parents was we ll fill in the bumps at the side nof his head where his eyes were we ll get rid of some scars. We ll remake him a new nand much better nose for the second time and because making me na new nose. Would emphasize that my eyes were nstill a little bit too far apart.
They d move them again njust about a centimeter closer and i d look wonderfully perfect nperhaps like david hasslehoff. Who knows laughter. And so my parents started ntalking to me about that and then we started ntalking about the risks. The same risks were there ninfection bleeding they could undo the good work nthey did when i was four and they said because we re moving nthe orbit of your eyes.
There s a one in four chance nyou might go blind. So we discussed it a bit and then my parents did the worst possible thing nthey have ever done to me ever. They said. It s your choice nit s entirely your choice.
It s up to you if you want nto have this great. If you don t want to have this great now i was a grade 9 boy nthe worst possible form of humanity laughter. I didn t know how to make this decision so we talked for a while about the risks. Nand eventually it came to decision time.
So i sat down with my parents. Nat. The same kitchen table. Where my brothers and sisters had voted nto bring me home 14 years earlier and talked to my parents about it.
And my brother was there listening in and we talked about nthe opportunities and risks. And he stayed silent the entire time until we brought up the fact nthe operation could cost me my eyesight and he then piped up and said in that instant. I owned my face until then my life had been ngoverned by my appearance. But i d never had much say in that decisions were made about nthe fate of my face.
By my parents by my doctors. Nby social workers by kids teasing me. And the comment from my brother nmade. Me realize that i had a choice and i could actually own my face nby exercising that choice.
I didn t figure. I d necessarily never be worth painting but i was done with nbeing the doctors canvas. I think it was the right decision. I m pretty sure it was i kind of think that if they d made me nlook a bit more normal.
I m never going to look perfectly normal nand. There s always that bit of dissonance. And there s this idea called nthe. Uncanny valley in robotics and computer animation.
And it refers to this idea that as artificial faces become more normal looking nand more realistic they become that little bit nmore off putting. Because we can tell the difference nbetween daffy. Duck and a cgi creation and that cgi creation njust looks that little bit wrong. And there s an uncanny valley nof ugliness.
Too and that s where i would have been but it got me thinking about what i might ve looked like nif. I had had the operation and i think it might have been nsomething like this now that s a pretty deep nuncanny valley. Right there i don t know anyone who thinks nthat looks better than this i m happy to hear nwe can have an argument and you can tell me about it. But it s quite off putting nlooking at that face.
And i think. There s nan uncanny valley of ugliness. Too and it relates perfectly nto notions of ideal beauty. We try to define ideal beauty nlike.
It s mount everest and that everyone needs needs to climb. It that s actually wrong ideal beauty is much better when we think about it nas a million different points on the map. Sure if you want to go nto mount everest go walk up to base camp wave at the summit. But then choose your own point non the map and walk away from it because it s the choices that matter funnily enough my ugliness made it easier for me nto own my face than many of you but we all face choices every day.
I had one choice when i was 14 nabout one aspect of my face. And i exercised that choice and it has governed how i looked nfor the rest of my life but we all make choices every day to shave to wear makeup nand if so how much to wear piercings to bleach our lip hair nall of those kinds of things and those sort of things are what give us nentry to the tribes who we want to enter choosing to dress like a goth is exactly the same choice nas. Looking like a bearded hipster. It s just a different decision.
So a year or so ago. An artist friend of mine. Nick stathopoulos nasked. Me to make a decision he asked if he could paint my portrait nand.
I said i figured at worst case it would mean ni had to sit still for a while so i went and sat for nick nand. He did some sketches and talked about some of his ideas nand then i went away and he invited me back na couple of months later to see progress on the work. And i went in to his studio and looked nat. This massive portrait of my face and just stood silent nfor two whole minutes.
And this is what i saw now until then i thought owning my face nmeant that no one else could own it. But i looked at this portrait disturbed nvoiceless silent crying because it seemed to me that nick nhad gone and owned my face for me it seemed as if this portrait captured every piece of pain every bit of life ni had felt since i was 14 and i think the important thing. There is plenty of other people nwill try to own our faces. But have they put a million brushstrokes ninto owning our faces you can own your face too.
Owning is choosing choose to accept your face nchoose to appreciate your face don t look away nfrom the mirror. So quickly understand all the love and the life nand. The pain. That is part of your face.
That is the art of your face tomorrow. When you wake up nwhat will your choice be ” ..
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